No Place for Fear 

Motherhood Part 2

The one thing that no one told me about having kids is the constant fear that I would have for them. That I would hear a story about a child on the news and my first thought would be, that could have been my child. That I would begin to be “over protective” according to today’s “experts”. But, what choice did I have? Watch the news… get on Facebook and you find a story, Every. Single. Day. Of something horrific happening to a child. I have spent countless nights playing through awful scenarios of something happening to one of my babies, a night full of mediation on fear. Because this was my nightly exercise for months on end, it began to take control of my life, it had become such a habit that I was starting to only get 2-4 hours of sleep a night. I would be crying at the possibilities of what MIGHT happen to my children. Yes, I understand that this is completely crazy. I realize that some may never experience the fear of guarding your children to this extent, but this is what the invitation of fear does in your life.

The enemy is crafty and I allowed His tool of fear to erode me, little by little I lost my faith and hope. I had lost my foundation of a good God and started to live and parent from a place of fear. With just that the enemy didn’t have to attack my family in any other way, I allowed him victory in my home by allowing my thoughts and actions to be controlled by fear.

What I learned most, through this trial in my life- a trial that I invited in and partnered with- was that fear doesn’t stay where you let it in. It begins to spread to every single area of your life. It infiltrated every part of my being and began to dictate my future. It had infected my whole life. What you think on, what you mediate on, will rule your life.

As a mother our job is deep and full. It is challenging and at times exhausting. However, we do not have to be in this alone. We are not left powerless against the enemy and just there for his taking. We have the option to be empowered by the Spirit, to yield to the voice of the Father, and to be encouraged.

Father I pray for each mother striving to love according to Your will. I ask that you fill them with encouragement and understanding to the magnitude of the role that has been set before them. Teach them to rebuke and to align their hearts with faith. Let them be reminded that you are the author of empowerment and truth, in Jesus name AMEN.

Mother of ARROWS


“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.

-Psalm 127:3&4-


Far too often the mother is under appreciated in society. The world attempts to control a narrative, pushing mothers out of the picture. Painting mothers who are devoted to raising their children, as women who are not contributing to society as a whole. Truth is, if you remove the mother, you disable the home.

Motherhood is war. Motherhood is ministry. Motherhood is the reflection of the Father. Motherhood is life itself. However, if these truths go unguarded and mothers are not intentionally being proactive and purposed- than motherhood becomes giving birth and survival until eighteen not cultivating the generation of world changers the earth longs to hear. MOTHERS, ministry in not an occupation- not a position held in a church, youth camp, or mission. Understand, ministry is your life surrendered. Ministry is raising your children unto the Lord. Motherhood is a great (IF NOT THE GREATEST) work for the Kingdom of God that you can ever accomplish.

What is motherhood? The state of being a mother. If that is all that motherhood entails… The real question becomes, will we do motherhood well? Are we as mothers waking up empowered and intentional? Do we raise our children as if it is the most important job that we will ever have? Knowing that the enormity of doing motherhood well and the impact it will have not only on the world now but on the world to come is unfathomable.

Dear Mothers, you are important and vital to the development of the Kingdom of God and the culture that will be birthed through the intensive laboring of raising your children. There is no one that can do a better job raising your children, than a you that is completely surrendered to doing the Fathers will. You have the job of developing nations, establishing laws, initiating justice, fighting for freedom, and exposing truth. Mothers, you are tasked with the objective to cultivate faith carrying, word wielding, truth bearing, good news sharing, righteous leaders that will change the course of the world through the gift of salvation. This is why we as mothers, must be diligent to guard the task that has been set before us. To not be swayed or deceived into thinking that doing motherhood well isn’t important. I hope that you will join me on this mini series on Motherhood.

Father, I thank you for all your goodness, grace, and mercy. That we are never alone in any endeavor that is ordained by Your strong hand. We come before You to honor the call of motherhood, to seek Your righteousness and truth so that our children will grow up with the intention of changing the world. Father I ask that you bless every mother by giving her a fresh heart for parenting and revealing to her the destiny of her children as she parents from the prophetic and not the natural. I ask that you give each mother a fierceness to guard and protect the sacred call of motherhood. That when she looks upon and within herself, she will see a divine call on her life and that this call is to advance the Kingdom of God within herself and her children. Father, I ask that you show each mother her innate ability to encourage herself and establish the nature of her home. Father I ask that this fierceness to guard and protect runs deep within her that she awakens every morning feeling empowered and loved by You. Father, lastly I ask that you show each mother the potential she has when she chooses to partner with the Creator of ALL, that she is never alone, that not only does she belong to You, but that You have established a connection between mothers, we choose to honor this connection by uplifting one another and not tearing each other down. We ask this with boldness through the power given to us by Your son Jesus Christ.


My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother; Psalm 1:8


Just Trying To… ENJOY Them

I was walking through a home decorating store and I saw the sign that changed my day. Distressed wood, perfectly painted, it was beautiful and funny.


“Just trying to keep the kids alive”.


I laughed. Oh so true, mom goals of the day. As I walk though the store with a soon to be three year old, coming to the end of what I am assuming was a cold that hit our home early last week, I was exhausted. I felt so tired and I know I looked it.

As I kept pushing the cart I felt for myself and other moms who were “just trying to keep the kids alive”. All the moms that give and give and give. The moms who try and are tired. You know the mom who is equally tired with a screaming child heading out to the car? The one you share a glance with as if to say, “fear not, I’ve been there, you are doing great, I have no judgment”; you know, that mom. As, I again chuckled at the sign- she laughed at me. My sweet girl. She didn’t know why we laughed, but she saw her mother, who doesn’t laugh often enough, laugh. You know what she did? She seized the moment. She wouldn’t waste a laugh with the tired mom whom she loves and so… she laughed.

My eyes filled up, she saw me and she loved me. She didn’t see a tired mom, but she saw her mother. She was still tired and cranky, but she was perfect in her innocence. Looking into her big beautiful eyes, I could feel the presence of choice, to lean into what I felt the Father was trying to say, or to continue on. As I leaned in I felt the sweet whisper that flows from the Holy Spirit. Just try to keep the kids alive enjoy them.

The sweetness of the Holy Spirit and His prompting. What if my goal changed? What if I took the advice from the older generations who nearly all have the same answer when young mothers try and glean the wisdom they contain?

“Enjoy them, the time they are little is so short”, “Enjoy them, the days are long but the years short”, “Enjoy them, they grow too fast!”, “Enjoy them, they are off before you know it”, “Enjoy them, you can never have today back”, “Enjoy them, you never know when it will be the last time they need help tying their shoe or the last time you carry them”, “You will never look back and wish you did more dishes or more house work, but you will wish you enjoyed them and every moment you have with them”.

Ah, Enjoy them. We live in a culture that values a lot of things, money, fame, outward appearance, being beyond busy; enjoyment of the everyday I don’t think that would make the list. For a moment I truly had to look inward to see my values. Over time we grow, at times getting pulled in by the world, we need to take inventory about what our current beliefs are that are running our life. If I value and believe in enjoying my children daily, then that is something that I will accomplish. The truth is, WHATEVER we value will hold a prominent place in our lives. It’s hard sometimes, truly taking a look at who you are, what you value, and how the culmination of those things are playing out within our own lives. Thankfully, there is no time like the present to do this!

Psalm 127: 3

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

In all honesty my goal as a parent has not been to enjoy my kids. If someone were to approach saying “FOUR kids, look at the REWARD you have!” I’m not sure the old me would would automatically think, “yes, such a reward”. Western culture is ingrained to look at raising children as “work”, “hardship”, “sacrifice”- being exhausted is a badge of honor. If you’re not exhausted you’re not working hard enough. I of course had goals as a parent. To raise them right? Of course! To teach them about the Wonderful Father? Absolutely! But to enjoy them? Maybe?

Ah, but isn’t it funny or ironic or truly perfect timing how and when the Father chooses to appear? Yes, we too must seek, but sometimes we are Saul and get knocked down by the bright light. All these wonderful thoughts and scriptures were playing out before me as I continued to look at my daughter and push the cart. What would my day look like if I chose to enjoy my children. How different would my life be if while giving them guidance and raising them in the way they should go it was a joyous… enjoyment?

Over time, enjoyment would become a new habit within our home, and we would work hard to maintain and protect this newfound attitude. Enjoyment of our children doesn’t mean that we have to sacrifice on other important areas. A clean house helps me thrive and cooking nutritional meals for my children is something that I won’t compromise on. Besides, having a disaster of a house and kids not thriving because they aren’t getting the nutrition they need, sounds nothing like enjoyment. Enjoyment is an outlook. It is a choice. A choice that we decide to make with each mess, with every attitude, and within the very moments that make up the day. When enjoyment of our children is a priority, than we began to connect with them. As our connection to our children grows, other areas begin to fall into place. Especially our children’s attitude toward us and how they begin to show more love and respect. A child will thrive in an environment that values enjoyment and celebrated as a reward for our lives. Especially, since we had worn the badge of exhausted, run down, busy mom for far too long. When we wear these badges we are telling our children they are more of a burden than an enjoyment. No child can feel like a reward, if we don’t communicate that they are a wondrous gift.

By no means have I mastered this, while certain aspects have been a growing part of my life. Other areas are new. Parenting is a journey, a life filled with learning. Each new stage takes different tools and each child is so uniquely different. However, all children want to be enjoyed. The more they are treated as the gifts they truly are the more our home is transformed bit by bit into Heaven on Earth. We expand the Kingdom of Heaven a bit further.

How would your life change if enjoying your children became a priority? Or if the joy of the Lord was the badge of honor you worked hard to protect daily?

The Process of Change

I think simplicity is just who I am. Here lately, returning to a fifthwheel is a constant dream! While we are still MANY months away from making that happen I do occasionally get online and look. We were living full time in our Sandpiper for 2 1/2 years and our first travel trailer for a year. When we got back into renting (because a big rig hit Matt) I was so excited… at first. The kids continually said how they MISSED the trailer! Well we have been renting for about 8 months now, and while the Father has blessed every single step, I CANNOT wait to begin our life of full-time RVing. We are such a minimalist family, we actually don’t utilize the space we have now and being winter in Colorado, our electric bill is so high!

But through this whole process the Father has walked me through several things…


TRUST

When you have a home on wheels and can leave at a moments notice, there isn’t a whole lot of anxiety revolved around moving. When you get neighbors that are too loud or you become dissatisfied with your current location, you can just move. Not so much when you have to sign a lease that you are locked into. (Note- This actually used to be a huge struggle for me! Even with our home on wheels I was constantly stressed- one reason why I believe I ended up in the hospital last year. The part year has been one of difficultly for me. And yet I see the fruit the Father is producing though it! Now going back to RVing will be like a full time vacation- in 200 sq. Ft.) So here I find myself learning to trust the Father. This is a process for me, it wasn’t something that I woke up one morning and never struggled with again. One of my biggest down falls has been allowing my mind to mediate on areas that contradict what the Father and Word have said.


SIMPLICITY

I thought before when we were on the road I lived simply. Truth is, we had/have way more than we need and utilize. Do you know what happens when you have a TON of stuff? You have to spend precious time maintaining all the “stuff”. And that’s just no fun. I also found myself so busy managing our home that I didn’t have time to do the things that I love and need, like being a mom that isn’t always busy. Or being able to fully concentrate on reading. I genuinely love reading my Bible, but, when I am plagued by all the chores that need to be done, I’m not allowing the Spirit to guide and direct my time. We are beginning again the life style that truly suites us best, minimalism. This to has been a process, riding ourselves of our “junk drawer”, limiting our wardrobe, going though and donating each possession that doesn’t actually hold significant value. This will make the transition back into a trailer all the more easy.


BEING INTENTIONAL

There were times when I wasn’t intentional with my time. I wouldn’t do what I knew I needed. For myself this is a battle of the flesh that tries to rear its ugly head. Obviously, this simply means I haven’t put that part to death, but merely allowing it to sit on the back burner. If is still holds a place of influence, it hasn’t been put to death. Being a planner it is easy for me to begin the thought process of wanting my own way. The seed that has to be planted deep within, must be that of being about the Fathers will. If we are about our own way, then we are not about the Kingdom.


OBEDIENCE

Obedience isn’t just doing what the Father has said, obedience is doing what the Father has said, the WAY the Father wants. One example would be, us going back into a trailer, not only does it make TOTAL sense. It only started making sense when the Father put it on our hearts. We were dead set on continuing to rent. In the natural there was no way we would be able to save money to get back into the trailer when our lease here is up. So the stress ensued. I started looking in a different direction than the one we originally felt led. However, the Father is so loving and kind and brought me back to the original plan. He also showed us ways we could drastically cut down our budget and begin to live a more simple life which would free up money.


DEDICATION

I actually chuckle a bit as I type this, being that I genuinely thought I was dedicated to the KING of kings. The truth is, your life will reflect the dedication you posses. There are people who are more dedicated to sports teams than I was to the Father. To be truly dedicated to the Father, you have to be dead to yourself. I see evermore, how often my flesh makes an appearance throughout the day. In this, the harsh truth of my lack of dedication has been shown. I will also add, that what we give most of our time to, watching movies, watching sports, looking at Pinterest, facebook, instagram, will have place of influence in our lives. This doens’t mean to be a slave to anything, there were times I reluctantly read the Word just so I could justify spending HOURS of these “things”. What you place values on will be shown in your time and also desires. Allow the Father to mold the desires of your heart so that they reflect the ushering in of HIs kingdom.


ACCOUNTABILITY

If it is still easier to offer excuses for the flesh that resides, than we are nothing but babes. Only the truth will set us free, and the truth is, the kingdom is inside. The Kingdom of God is not external until it has been manifest internally. Therefore, if the Kingdom is internal, why then, do outwardly circumstances dedicate our response? Simply put… Jesus the Christ, is not our king. A king has full dominion of his domain. If we then claim that Jesus is our king, and yet flesh reigns, then we have not gown into the matured sons and daughters that we are called. Struggle would be an understatement, in my effort to become accountable. Firstly, I would do this by the might of man, as compared to the freedom of the Father. Plainly, this looks something along the lines of, when I see myself making excuses for my actions, I tell myself, “I’ll do better next time.” The problem is, I continually say this exact phase “the next time”. With the freedom of the Father, we are able to change then. Why? The most common workings of flesh that hold us back, have no influence. Without pride, fear, resentment, bitterness and the like, we are more than willing to take responsibility and be held accountable. If we are not held accountable, than we will never be trusted to give account for anything. Meaning, we will be set in change of nothing. Secondly, my desire to displace blame, comes from the fact that I would rather walk as a slave than son. Truth be told, accountability fares a whole lot better than blame. Taking responsibility for your part (even when others don’t own up to theirs) frees you. It allows you to continue the growth and maturing process of becoming a son.


Our life is unique and it is our own. Growing into the matured sons of our Father is something that is an ever present weight. It is not without sacrifice or hardships. But, the reward is unfathomable to the natural mind. As the Father leads us down a more matured path, our future becomes all the more exciting! As we plan for the next big step, following this current job, we can see the growth positively affecting our children. Instilling in them the desires to follow the Fathers call in all things. When we as parents place not only a value on simplicity but actually walk out a lifestyle that is simply, we are in turn raising children who are not bound by the materialism of the world.

Mom Burnout

Let’s talk about it. Because it happens. Every. Single. Mother. Has faced mom burn out. The point of exhaustion where you don’t want to answer anymore questions, change anymore diapers, make anymore meals, do anymore laundry, do anymore “mom things”. You become tired of the fighting and you become tired of the cleaning. Being a mom becomes a dauntless task. Sometimes when we aren’t quick to resolve mom burnout, a shift happens. Moments of burnout changes to days, days to weeks, and weeks to a month… perhaps even more!

So what do you do? How do you handle when the joy of raising your children has now become an exhausting and seemingly “unrewarding” job?

Find Out the “Why?”

Why are you feeling this way? Has something changed in your life? For me when I begin to hit mom burnout, something has thrown off our normal. Perhaps something happened with family that was emotional, requiring some energy and time. My husband might be putting in more hours at work that what we had become accustomed. Hormonally, my body might be adjusting. All the kids getting sick or recently overcome a sickness. I find that when I start to get overwhelmed by a life that I genuinely love, something has changed. If I can work on pinpointing the “why”, I have a much easier time adjusting back into truly enjoying motherhood.

Plan

There are few things for me, that are more stressful and a recipe for disaster, then having more tasks than time. This almost always happens from a lack of planning. This morning, I had to go to the library, get gas, go to two different grocery stores and make it back home by 9:30 so I could get the Littlest down before the non stop scream crying in the car happened. Why did everything need to be done this morning? Well, it would be because I didn’t plan. I forgot our library books were due… until the lovely email reminder, informed me that unless I wanted to pay a late fee for each of the fifteen books, I had to drop them off this morning. Then there was the food, to be completely honest one of the stores was walmart pick up… but it still counts. Walmart pickup has been such a load off… BUT this morning they were apparently out of half my order, and well, I didn’t want the substitutes, so off to another store that was only supposed to be a quick run in (yeah right with kids) turned into a full on grocery shopping. If you are that mom who can get three kids five and under loaded up quickly and be out all day.. more power to you. That is not me. I LOVE being home, I would rather pay someone to run all my errands. Obviously, that isn’t a reality for me, so I must tread on. Also, our second Little peed in his car seat on the way home.

Find Your Groove

There is no keeping up with the Jones’ here. With that being said, every now and then, I will find myself trying to live out a life that isn’t best for us. It is so tempting with technology today to allow yourself to feel inadequate. Despite the temptation, don’t fall into trying to live out someone else’s Instagram life. Enjoy your own life, in all its simplicity or with all its adventurers. No one will know what makes your family tick like you do. A family that is working and running smoothly will bring much greater joy and peace than attempting to fulfill desires that you don’t actually have. There would be times I would get on social media and see the many adventures people were having and I would long to do them. Even though, I had never nor would I ever, come up with those same adventures on my own. Being and becoming who the Father created you to be is a journey and process, that often times gets put on the back burner, to the lifestyle of the here and now. It would be hard to feel inadequate if we stopped comparing ourselves, life’s, parenting style, marriage, etc. to anyone else.

Engage the Littles

Is there a bigger trigger for a mother than constant bickering, whining, or complaining? Honestly, it’s exhausting, annoying and most often avoidable, Wait, what?! I have found that when I begin to feel “mom burnout” I withdrawal from my kids. Unconsciously of course. Nonetheless, it has happened, when this happens my kids sense the withdrawal and their flow is thrown off course. I have to have specific time set aside for my kids. Where it is just me and them, doing what they want to do, so that they feel connected with me. When I make sure that I have given myself completely to my kids they actually play together longer and are more kind to one another. We have worked hard at teaching our kids to communicate when they feel disconnected. Still, there are times that I realize the disconnection when they become grumpy or they seem to constantly need me. There is a night and day difference in the Little’s attitude when I spend quality time with each of them. When I don’t allow life to take away from time that they need with me.

Simplify

What if its none of the above? Maybe, it’s just the endless tasks of motherhood that seem to be drowning. It happens, there are a lot of errands, chores, meals and tasks throughout my day that are a must. I have to do the dishes, laundry, buy food. I also HAVE to cook for the Little ones, wipe bottoms, change diapers, and at times facilitate play. I also must, feed the dogs, get them fresh water, and take them out as well. While I do have a lot of MUSTS I also take on errands, schedule events for the kids, and spend time maintaining “things’ that are not important and not needed. Our culture put a value of “busy”. It seems everyone is busy. Running from one thing to another, barely catching up with our “to-dos” before having the next load of items that need maintaining. What if we weren’t busy? What if we decided that our kids didn’t need to be entertained and preoccupied at all times? Or, we took tome to decluttered our homes, getting rid of belongs that take up time and effort to maintain. When the time it takes to maintain something is more than the value we have placed in it, maybe its time to part. When I first began to simplify our lives, we got rid of 70-80% of our belongings. Guess what? We haven’t missed anything! Not only have we not missed anything…BUT we are not done. We continually see that we can live with even less, and it is so FREEING!

Give Yourself Grace

The odds are, you are a good mom. Moms are generally really tough of themselves. Motherhood is a journey, there is no handbook given when you leave the hospital that will lay out exactly what you need to know on raising your child. Any mom with multiple children can tell you that even if there was, it couldn’t possibly be a one size fits all, for no two children are exactly alike. There are seasons and moments in life that are tough. If we allow ourselves to believe that a difficult season or moment in life will last forever than we lose sight of a simple reality. Raising our children will go by fast. Much faster than anticipated. By all means, continue to grow in your desire to be better… without allowing your short comings to define motherhood. I have never met a mother who felt like she raised her kids perfectly. Not one. I believe most mothers do and did the best they could with the knowledge they possessed. Mom burnout happens, being exhausted, frustrated, irritated, and overwhelmed by motherhood is something almost all moms have faced. You are not alone. Remember, grace is a beautiful gift, that many times as mothers, we don’t extend to ourselves.

Our Move Towards Simplicity

The Joy of Minimal

I desperately wanted to be a happy mother. I wanted to be the mother that relished in the fact that she gets to stay at home and raise her children. After all their were mothers out there desperately wanting to stay at home with their “babies” but having to work. Here I was complaining, dreading the morning, dreading the everyday life of three kids under five. I was so drained and exhausted, I complained every single day. Until one day I asked myself “What must I do to be happy?”.

From the moment I had our first daughter I knew that it would be heart break for me to work. I couldn’t imagine not being with our daughter every single day. With each of our children the desire to stay at home and raise them continued to grow. Until I got in a rut. IT WAS SO HARD. I had a hard time just functioning in everyday life, with a newborn and two kids, I just couldn’t keep up. The laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning. I couldn’t find a balance, my two year old needed love, my newborn needed sleep, the more they woke her up the more frustrated I would become, it became a cycle of dreading life. I became short tempered with my kids, overwhelmed by slighted problem.

I knew things needed to change, the life I had always wanted and the Lord had blessed me with, I despised. I began to envy another life, became jealous of people I didn’t even know. I felt like a failure, my “one job” was a disaster. Thankfully, I began to realize it was a disaster of my own doing. I spent so much time in unnecessary places, I had expectations that were completely unrealistic, and I tried to parent outside of what was best for our family.

So emerged the minimalist inside. I went through everything, we probably got rid of 80/85% of our “things”. We freed up our schedule. We we took a no rush parenting approach. I thought our kids would be devastated, you know to lose the toy that you haven’t touched in 6 months must be really tough. However, the more we cleaned and cleared and purged the more they blossomed. They actually played, not just get entertained for a few moments, not telling me they were bored with six tubs of toys to play with.

It was one of the best decisions to make. Answering the call of the Father to simplify our lives. And we in no way could go back. We routinely go through our belongings keeping our life style simplified. I began to feel free again, I wasn’t wasting hours doing chores or maintenance that had no benefit. We love our simplified life.

The Colic Child… A lesson in Patience

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4

“Rejoice in hope, patience in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer” Romans 12:12

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Galatians 6:9

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6&7


Oh our blessed third baby, the newest arrival to the Hatten clan, the baby I like to call the patience baby. This would be because my third sweet child had colic. I did not know what frustration and sleep depervation truly were until this beautiful bundle continually keep me up, Every. Single. Night! Just like clockwork.

February 9th 10:30 pm. 2017- By this time bundle number three has been screaming crying for two hours, this is not her first night, this has gone on for about a month maybe a little more. I’ve lost count. Every night, right around the same time, I have an inconsolable baby. Handsome man is at work… still. He is putting in more hours then he ever has, so I don’t text him to vent all my frustration. Sweet little One and Two are also crying. They are tired, they want to sleep, we live in a trailer no matter where I go they can hear the screaming baby. It feels like 28 outside. I have no where to go. I start to ugly cry. I’m sobbing so hard my kids are scared. I’m exhausted. I’m alone. I can’t do it. I have no idea why God would think I could handle this or three kids. Then I start to plead prayer, when that doesn’t work I start to bargain prayer… Father, I’ll never get frustrated with them again, I’ll have my time with you every day, I’ll pray with Matt every night no matter what time he gets off… blah blah blah. Needlesstosay that didn’t work either. I start to panic, I’m assuming sleep depervation, recovering from having a baby, and Handsome man’s LOOOOONG hours have finally caught up with me. It feels like a dam in my mind broke and has become flooded with irrational thoughts. Thoughts of failure. Thoughts of depression. Thoughts of the enemy.


I’m so thankful for a faithful Father, one who is steadfast. Even through all my weakness and failures, I have a consistent strength so far beyond my own self that I can rely on.

Nothing quite drives you into the arms of the Father like delreium. I had been studying in James on and off for around six months prier to my rush course in a colicky baby. Let me state this, I do not in any way believe that Father gave my sweet one colic, but he did use the situation to my advantage. Through this difficult situation I can now look back and see the good fruit that it produced in my life. The changes that occurred in me and in turn our family. In this past year I can say that I have grown more in patience than all my pervious years put together. Through these long nights where your child is inconsolable and you end up pacing for hours on end, with absolutely NO lights on, there really isn’t a whole lot that can be done. I remember crying and all three of my kids crying because everyone was tired, the handsome guy was at work, so it was just me when I was in the mists of a breakdown, I felt a rush of peace, and my mind stopped focusing of the impossibility of the situation and reminded myself that this is temporary.

The most difficult aspect to change in a situation Is your mindset. Your mindset will determine the outcome.

No matter what mountain your are climbing on this journey of parenthood, remember, it is temporary. It will not last forever. The Father is always faithful and He can use whatever state you are in if you will surrender it to Him.