Here You Are

I never thought I would meet you here… in this valley of grief. Yet, here in this place I have found a deeper nature of Your love than I could have ever fathomed. Here you are, in my deepest pain and greatest grief. As I mourn, You are shifting me into praise. As I come to understand the term lament, You are there. Father, as I don’t understand and ache, as I feel a part of me is missing, You are my restorer.

As I find myself wanting to stay in the valley of grief and pain, the Spirit moves me to see that I am just passing through. And yet, I have to decide if I will move before I get the answers I long for or if i will trust you, if I trust my Father enough to keep going. I didn’t realize that you could face such pain without losing hope. I didn’t realize that I could lament without walking in disbelief. You are still good, You have always been good, Your purity never was questioned.

Then as I leave the bed of grief behind, the accuser comes. I come face to face with guilt, fear and hopelessness, they were only distractions for a moment. But, this pain is consuming. Then I hear you whisper “Lay it before me”, as I pour forth my heart with tears and walling, You didn’t question my faith, You didn’t judge my posture of grief. You wept with me. You showed me how to lament in victory. You released me from the belief that pain and grief could only be felt because of unbelief. You showed me there is no shame is lamenting.

Father, keep me in this place beyond myself self, beyond the nature of flesh, where you are molding me, making me anew piece by piece, where without understanding there is an assurance of Your faithfulness. This place where the knowledge of Your nature refutes every lie and strong hold that tries to exalt itself against you Father. Where every though is in obedience to the nature revealed in Christ.

In this place Father…

I came face to face with Love, transforming me into compassion.

In this season of mourning, I found unfathomable comfort.

Surrounded by incomprehension and chaos, You gave me peace beyond understanding.

In this place Father…

You are here.

And that Father is enough for me, for Your presence is what changes me

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